Applying to graduate school can be a stressful process. As an applicant’s parent, you naturally want to help, but how can you do so? Maybe you never went to graduate school, or it has been decades since you applied. The process is not the same as it was years ago. Furthermore, your child is now an adult who has either graduated from college or is close to graduating. They might not be very receptive to your input.

Be aware that selecting the right field of graduate study to achieve one’s career goals is an essential part of the process. An applicant who is undecided about their interests or goals might need to do some career exploration before applying for graduate study. It’s natural to worry that if an aspiring graduate student doesn’t apply right out of college, they might not ever do so, but having at least some work experience is often imperative, and it can also help solidify (or sometimes even change) one’s career plans.

Once your child has decided to apply, here are three ways you can support them through the competitive application process:

1. Understand the different parts of the process. What is required to apply to graduate school?
2. Learn about the criteria programs use to evaluate applicants. 
3. Provide constructive support when asked, and even if you are covering part or all of the costs, remember that you are the parent in this situation, not the applicant.

Table of Contents

• The Elements of a Successful Graduate School Application
• The Criteria for Acceptance
• Ways You Can Help Before They Apply
• How You Can Help in the Application Process
• Post-Application: Interviews, Waiting, Results

The Elements of a Successful Graduate School Application

All graduate school applications are now online and consist of academic, experiential, and communications elements. An applicant typically must provide some or all of the following:

• Application fee
• Transcript(s) 
• Standardized test scores 
• Short answers in boxes throughout the application (These provide important context and background information.)
• Resume/CV and/or work and activity history
• Essay(s)
• Video component (less common)
• Portfolio of work for arts-related fields
• Research proposal for doctoral programs
• Letters of recommendation
• English language test (typically for applicants who earned their undergraduate degree at a university where English is not the language of instruction)

The academic portions (e.g., transcript, test scores) provide evidence that the applicant can succeed in graduate study. Schools want to see transcripts from all institutions attended and for all accredited coursework. 

Although many programs are dropping standardized test requirements, preparing for the relevant exam and submitting a high score is generally beneficial for an applicant. A high score is particularly important if the applicant’s undergraduate academic record is less than impressive and/or they attended a college that isn’t known for academic rigor. A strong score can also help an applicant secure merit-based financial aid. It is important to check with each target school to learn whether it requires the submission of a standardized test score, and if so, which test(s) it accepts. Some institutions are test optional – in which case, an applicant’s test scores will be considered only if they choose to submit them – and some schools are test blind, which means the adcom will not consider a person’s scores at all.

Most programs require applicants to provide letters of recommendation. Who should write these letters and how many are required varies from school to school, so it’s important to understand what each target program wants and provide it properly. For example, most graduate programs want recommendation letters written by professors from the applicant’s undergraduate study; some prefer employers or internship supervisors. Each school will specify who it wants the recommendations to come from. The most important criterion in choosing a recommender is how well the person knows the applicant and their work. Don’t make the mistake of suggesting a family friend who is in a high-level position to write a letter; usually, those letters do not carry much weight and might even be detrimental to the applicant’s candidacy.  

Some programs also interview candidates. For schools that require them, interviews are usually by invitation only, and these invitations are typically extended only after an initial screening. An interview invitation signals serious interest on the part of the school. Interviews are common in the fields of clinical psychology and counseling, and are required for medical school. 

The Criteria for Acceptance

Each program has different requirements, but in general, graduate schools want to know the following:

1. The applicant can handle the academics and thrive.
2. The applicant is a fit for the school in terms of their interests and goals and the program’s strengths.
3. The applicant and school have shared values. 
4. The applicant will add something distinctive to the school’s class, community, and ultimately, reputation. 
5. The applicant has a goal that the program can help them achieve.

Ways You Can Help Before They Apply

Encourage your child to excel academically. And providing financial support so they don’t have to work their way through school could allow them to improve their grades and participate in valuable activities, while reducing their debt burden. 

If they are preparing to take a standardized test (e.g., GRE, MCAT, LSAT, GMAT), encourage them to take a test prep course or hire a tutor. If you can afford it and feel it would help them, offer to pay for the assistance.

All graduate schools value leadership and teamwork and therefore look for experiential components in applicants’ essays, resume, and extracurricular activities that reflect the experiences they’ve had prior to applying. Adcoms like to see community involvement, work with the underserved, evidence of compassion, organizational skills, a willingness to take initiative, problem-solving ability, communications skills, and an understanding of diversity, equity, and inclusion. And as mentioned earlier, some graduate programs require applicants to have some level of professional experience.

Encourage your child to have experiences that will allow them to develop and nurture these skills. In college, they could be a youth group leader, summer camp counselor, residence hall advisor, or tutor. They might organize a fund-raising drive for a cause that’s important to them, serve as captain of a sports team, assist individuals with special needs, start a business, work at a relevant internship, or take a leadership role in a student organization or student government. The most significant experiences involve longer time commitments.

Most graduate schools want to see experience that is relevant to the applicant’s degree goal, either on a part-time basis while they were in college or on a full-time basis after they completed undergraduate studies. For example, medical school applicants must have meaningful clinical experience. Applicants to research-oriented master’s or PhD programs need research experience on their resume. And for individuals aspiring to graduate school in clinical psychology or social work, experience in the helping professions (whether paid or unpaid) is important. 

Journaling about these activities while engaged in them can prove beneficial when the time comes to apply. Here are some questions that might inspire excellent journal entries:

• What did they actually do? 
• Whom did they work with?
• What did they contribute and accomplish? 
• How did they handle difficult interactions with colleagues? 
• What would they do differently? 
• What did they learn? 

These journal entries can become fodder for short answers, essays, and interview responses. Plus, the applicant will develop the writing and self-reflection skills that are important to crafting a successful application.

These kinds of experiences also help in clarifying what an applicant would want to do professionally, which must also be conveyed in their application(s). Graduate schools admit candidates who know what they want and how they intend to achieve it. Applicants need to articulate how a particular program will prepare them to achieve their goals.

Fit, or alignment, is both an important criterion for acceptance and a critical factor in a graduate student’s happiness, so any programs of interest must be thoroughly researched. This should consist of carefully reviewing the website of any target schools, reading faculty profiles, and noting professors with aligned interests. Applicants should review each school’s curriculum to determine whether relevant required courses and electives are offered. They should also conduct informational interviews with people enrolled in the programs they are targeting or in the professions they are considering. Attending in-person or virtual admissions open houses and meeting faculty members is also important. Not only do these events provide useful information, but the schools track candidates’ participation in them.

When the aspiring applicant is researching schools, they should jot down what they like and dislike about each one. Their research and notes will later help them to articulate why they want to attend the program to which they are applying.

As a parent, what should you not do? Nag. It isn’t helpful and won’t increase their chances of acceptance.

How You Can Help in the Application Process

You can support your child in a number of ways in their pursuit of a graduate degree.

Candidates use the application to build their case for belonging at the particular institution to which they are applying. Each element in the application should reveal a different aspect of their story and qualifications. Every answer box, essay, and piece of information they provide needs to complement and build on what they have presented in the other parts of their application, while answering any questions posed and demonstrating their fit with the program. 

Be aware that many programs require multiple essays, which often include a Statement of Purpose or Personal Statement. Each essay must respond directly and clearly to the program’s specific prompt for it. The process of refining these essays should involve writing multiple drafts of each, progressively revising them as they get closer to a polished final version. It is important to allow sufficient time for this refinement process.

Your role now is to be a sounding board when asked. Give your child time and space to complete their application(s). You can offer to review the material, if they would like, and provide constructive feedback. For many candidates, it is very useful to access the experience and expertise of an Accepted consultant who can provide personalized guidance and feedback.  

Post-Application: Interviews, Waiting, Results

Your child received an interview invitation? Congratulations!

As noted earlier, an interview invitation is a sign of serious interest on the school’s part. The purpose of the interview is to give the adcom an opportunity to assess the applicant’s presence, ability to think on their feet, communication skills, and fit with the program.
How can you help at this high-stakes stage of the process? One way is by offering to purchase a mock interview package for them so they can practice their interview skills with an experienced admissions consultant (in many cases, these consultants were once members of an institution’s adcom). 

Just as you wouldn’t expect or want your child to go on stage or play a sport without significant practice, you wouldn’t want them to go into a graduate school interview without guidance and the opportunity to make, learn from, and correct any mistakes before the “big day.”

After the interview, you enter the next stage: waiting for the school’s decision. This could take weeks or even months, especially if your child is placed on a waitlist. Waiting for a decision is difficult. 

Your job is to stay positive. Waitlisted applicants with areas of weakness in their candidacy often benefit from making improvements in those areas while waiting for the school’s final decision. So, gently encourage any efforts to mitigate shortcomings or enhance their profile. At the least, these efforts could position them for a successful reapplication in the future. 

Here are some examples:

• If their earlier grades were below average, they can take additional classes and earn top grades to show improvement. 
• If their test scores were mediocre, they might consider retaking the exam, especially after some additional test prep.
• If they need more experience related to their intended field of study, they could seek out an opportunity to gain some. 

Hopefully, using this information, you can support your child in crafting a compelling application that presents them at their best and results in acceptance.

Related Resources:

• Five Fatal Flaws to Avoid in Your Grad School Statement of Purpose, a free guide
• Three Ways Writing About Obstacles Strengthens Your Application Essays
• Preparing for Graduate School Admissions Interviews: Questions to Ask and Answer