Applying to graduate school can be a highly stressful process. As an applicant’s parent, you naturally want to help them, but how can you do so? Maybe you never went to graduate school, or it has been decades since you applied. The process is not the same as it was years ago. Furthermore, your applicant is now an adult who has either graduated from college or is close to graduating. They might not be terribly receptive to your input.
Remember that selecting the right field of graduate study to achieve one’s career goals is essential. Although you might be eager for your child to attend graduate school, if they are undecided about their interests or goals, they might need to do some career exploration before applying for graduate study. Some parents encourage their children to go to graduate school right after college out of concern that if they don’t go directly to grad school, they won’t ever go. But be aware that work experience is critical in some fields, and it can also help to solidify, or might even change, one’s career plans.
Once your child decides to apply, here are three ways you can support them through the competitive application process:
- Understand the different parts of the process. What is required to apply to grad school?
- Learn about the criteria used to evaluate your child’s application.
- Provide constructive support when asked, while remembering that your adult child is the one applying (not you) – even if you are covering part or all of the costs.
The Elements of a Successful Application to Graduate School
All grad school application processes consist of academic, experiential, and communications elements.
The written applications are online these days. An applicant typically must provide some or all of the following:
- Application fee
- Transcript(s)
- Standardized test scores
- Short answers in boxes throughout the application (These provide important context and background information.)
- Resume and/or work and activity history
- Essay(s)
- Video component (less common)
- Portfolio of work for arts-related fields
- Letters of recommendation
- English language test (typically for applicants who earned their undergraduate degree at a university where English is not the language of instruction)
The academic portions (transcript, test scores, etc.) provide evidence that the applicant can succeed in graduate study. Schools want to see transcripts for all accredited coursework, and some programs will require standardized tests.
Although more and more programs are dropping the test requirement, preparing for the relevant exam and submitting a stellar score could be beneficial for an applicant. A high score is particularly important if the applicant’s undergraduate academic record is less than impressive. It might be crucial if the applicant attended a college that isn’t known for academic rigor. It might also help them secure merit-based financial aid.
Most programs require letters of recommendation. Who should write these letters and how many are required can vary from school to school, so your child needs to make sure they understand what their target schools want – and provide it. Most graduate programs want recommendation letters written by professors from undergraduate study; other reference writers could be internship supervisors or employers. The most important criterion in choosing who should write your child’s recommendation is how well the person knows your child and their work. Don’t make the mistake of suggesting a family friend who is in a high-level position to write a letter; usually, those types of letters do not carry much weight and could even be detrimental to the application.
Some programs also interview candidates. For schools that require them, interviews are usually by invitation only. If an interview is part of the process, schools typically extend interview invitations only after an initial screening. An interview invitation signals serious interest on the part of the school.
The Criteria for Acceptance
All programs have different requirements, but in general, graduate schools want to know the following:
- The applicant can handle the academics and thrive.
- The applicant is a fit for the school in terms of their interests and goals, and the program’s strengths.
- The applicant and school have shared values.
- The applicant will add something distinctive to the school’s class, community, and ultimately, reputation.
- The applicant has a goal that the program can help them achieve.
How Can You Help Before They Apply?
Encourage your child to excel academically. If you can provide financial support so your child doesn’t have to work their way through school, that financial assistance could allow them to improve their grades and participate in valuable activities, while reducing their debt burden.
If they are preparing for a standardized test, such as the GRE, MCAT, LSAT, or GMAT, encourage them to take a test prep course or get tutoring. If you can afford it and feel it would help them, offer to pay for the assistance.
What about the experiential component that grad schools look for? Your child’s essays, resume, and activity/work history reflect the experiences they have had prior to applying. All graduate programs value leadership and teamwork. Programs might want to see community involvement, work with the underserved, evidence of compassion, organizational skills, ability to take initiative, problem-solving ability, communications skills, and an understanding of diversity, equity, and inclusion.
Encourage your child to have experiences that will allow them to develop and nurture these skills. In college, they could be a youth group leader, summer camp counselor, residence hall advisor, or tutor. They might organize a fund-raising drive for a cause that’s important to them, serve as captain of a sports team, assist people with special needs, start a business, work at a relevant internship, or take a leadership role in a student organization or in student government. The most significant experiences involve longer time commitments.
Most graduate schools want to see experience that is relevant to the applicant’s degree goal, either on a part-time basis while they were in college or on a full-time basis after they completed their undergraduate study. For example, if your child is applying to medical school, they must have meaningful clinical experience. If they are applying to a research-oriented master’s or PhD program, they need research experience on their resume. For graduate school in clinical psychology or social work, experience in the helping professions is important.
When your child is engaged in these activities, suggest that they journal about them. Here are a few questions that might trigger excellent journal entries:
- What did they actually do?
- How did they feel?
- What did they contribute and accomplish?
- How did they handle difficult interactions with colleagues?
- What would they do differently?
- What did they learn?
These journal entries can become fodder for short answers, essays, and interview responses. Plus, the applicant will develop the writing and self-reflection skills that are important to crafting a successful application.
These experiences will also help your child clarify what they want to do professionally, which they must also convey in their applications. Graduate schools want to admit candidates who know what they want and how they intend to achieve it. Applicants need to articulate how a particular program will prepare them to achieve their goals.
Because fit, or alignment, is an important criterion for acceptance and critical to your child’s happiness, suggest that your child research the programs they are interested in. They should carefully review the website of any school they are considering, read the profiles of the faculty, and note professors whose work is of interest to them. For the schools they are most interested in, they should also conduct informational interviews. For these, they could speak with people who attend the programs they are targeting or are in the professions they are considering. They should also attend an in-person or virtual admissions open house and meet faculty.
When they are doing their research, they should jot down what they like and dislike about different programs. Their research and notes will enable them to articulate why they would love to attend the program to which they are applying.
What should you not do? Nag. It doesn’t work.
How Can You Help as They Are Applying?
Again, nagging won’t be helpful, but there are definitely other ways you can support your child in their pursuit of a graduate degree.
In their application, your child is building a case for their belonging at the particular institution to which they are applying. Each element in the application should reveal a different aspect of their story and qualifications. Every answer box, essay, and piece of information they provide should complement and build on what they have presented in the other parts of their application, while answering any questions posed and demonstrating their fit with the program.
Be aware that many programs require several essays, which often include a Statement of Purpose or Personal Statement. Your child should write multiple drafts of their admissions essays, refining and revising them as they get closer to the final version.
Your role now is to be a sounding board for your child when they ask. Give your child time and space to complete their application. You can review the material, if they request that you do, but be constructive with your feedback. Be aware that each essay should be reviewed relative to the program to which they are applying. For many candidates, it is very useful to access the experience and expertise of an Accepted consultant who can provide guidance and feedback.
Post-Application: Interviews, Waiting, Results
Your child received an interview invitation? Congratulations!
As we noted earlier, for most programs that conduct interviews, an invitation is a sign of serious interest on the school’s part. The purpose of the interview is to give the school an opportunity to assess the applicant’s presence, ability to think on their feet, communication skills, and fit with the program.
How can you help your child at this high-stakes stage of the process? One way is to offer to purchase a mock interview package for them so they can practice their interview skills with an experienced admissions consultant who in many cases, was once also a member of an admissions committee.
You wouldn’t expect or want your child to go on stage or play a sport without significant practice. They likewise shouldn’t go into an interview without practice and the opportunity to make, learn from, and correct mistakes before the “big day.”
Now you enter the next stage: waiting for the school’s decision. This could take weeks, or months, especially if your child is placed on a waitlist. Waiting for a decision is difficult.
Be positive. Don’t harp on any of your child’s weaknesses, but do gently encourage them to work on anything that needs enhancement. Any improvement in their qualifications that happens after they have submitted their application could really help them if they are waitlisted. Or, at the least, it could position them for a successful reapplication in the future. Here are a few examples:
- If their earlier grades were below average, they can take additional classes and earn top grades in them to show improvement.
- If their test score was mediocre, but the school would consider a higher score, maybe a retake is in order, especially after your child does additional test prep.
- Perhaps they could use more experience related to their intended field of study. They should increase whatever kind of experience needs to be augmented.
Hopefully, your child will craft a compelling application that presents them at their best and results in acceptance. Following these tips will contribute to their success.
Would you like your child to have one-on-one guidance throughout the application process? Accepted has a highly experienced team of admissions consultants, many of whom were formerly admissions directors at a wide variety of programs. They would be delighted to guide your child through this process. That kind of support from you could make a great gift. Check out Accepted’s service options, which range from a couple of hours of advising to more comprehensive application packages that provide advising, essay editing, mock interviews, resume reviews, and a helping hand throughout the process.
By Alice Diamond, former associate dean for career and community service at Lesley University. Alice has a BA from Colgate University, an MA from Bryn Mawr College, and an MS from Cornell University. She has more than 35 years of experience in career and admissions advising for undergraduate and graduate candidates. Alice’s clients have been accepted to top programs in a wide range of fields. Want to work with Alice? Click here to get in touch!
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